Fun Facts

This past week I subbed in some eighth grade classrooms. The kids have been teaching me all kinds of things (the opposite of what you'd expect, right?!). In a class that was right before lunch, a boy was sniffing his lunch money and said "I love the smell of money!" My reply was something like, "I'm sure that at some point your money has been in someone's sweaty pocket". This did not deter him from sniffing his money. A boy sitting next to the money sniffer said that he knew a fact that might make you not want to kiss your money. He debated whether it was appropriate for school, but then decided that since he found this fact on the mint's website that it was appropriate. This student claims that 75% of all one dollar bills have been in a stripper's g-string! How about that?!

Dent in my self-esteem

Yesterday was my last day as a long term sub. For the past six school days (the schools are on a six day cycle and I would see my students once every six school days), I had been telling my students goodbye. One of those days I was talking to the students as they were standing in line waiting for their teacher to retrieve them. A third grade girl and 5 or 6 of her buddies asked me how old I am. I would not tell them at first. So they began guessing my age. I felt I had to tell them that I am 33 when they started guessing that I was in my 40s and them moved on to guessing that I was in my 50s. Just a small dent in my self-esteem. No biggie!

Gangs of children...

Today I was eating lunch in the faculty room at an elementary school that has only kindergarten and first grade classes. One of the first grade teachers walked in and told me about two boys she just saw walking down the hall backwards. She stopped them and warned them that they may run into a teacher or something as they almost walked into her. She clearly thought they were funny and went on to say, "kids are funny when there are only one or two of them as opposed to when they are in groups or gangs... or what do they call them? Oh, that's right - a classroom!"

My sense of humor is apparently lacking!

For the past week or so I've been showing my first grade classes Calder's Circus. I watched it once at home by myself before showing it to the kids. I thought it was cute and that Calder was pretty clever. The kids thought it was hilarious - especially the dancing lady! I thought I had a good sense of humor... apparently it is lacking!

btw... this week I'm the one with cat scratches... I can tell you that cat scratches are not what I love about cats!

Cat Scratch Fever

Last week one of my first grade students had little scratches covering about half of her face. I asked her what happened. She said, "My cat scratched me. That's why I like cats!"

Self Esteem Boosters

Here are some things that my students have made for me that are hanging on the fridge at home:

The history of classroom management.

This past weekend I saw my grandmother and she told a story about her mother who was a teacher. One time when my grandmother was out with her mother, a man came up to them and asked my great-grandmother if she was a teacher named Miss Stevenson. She replied that she was. The man said, "I don't know if you remember me, but I'm the boy you tied to the piano leg."

Kind of funny to think that my great-grandmother who my mom always says was a "godly woman" used to tie kids to piano legs! And I feel bad if I put a kid in time out!

Diversity

The students that I teach are pretty diverse. In just about every class I probably have at least 3 or 4 ESL kids. When most kids from another country get to draw, they often draw the flag from their country. One of my first grade students was drawing a Polish flag. I sat down with him and asked him about the flag and how long he lived in Poland. When I asked him, "What are your favorite Polish foods?" his answer was not pierogies or kielbasi as I would have expected. His answer was "Polish soup and carrots".

Primary and Secondary Colors

So this week I asked some second graders, "What are the primary and secondary colors?" Who knew that lime green, turquoise, silver, and apricot are now included? (For those of you who are unsure, consult the color wheel and act like you knew the answer all along!)

Glitter Wars

So, I'm an elementary art teacher for now. It's a pretty sweet gig - for the next three months I teach 3 art classes a day.

Monday was my first day and I'm picking up where the last art teacher left things. For my first class each day this week I had 3rd graders. They've been finishing up a project they started last time which is snowflake people. Remember folding up paper into a triangle and cutting out little shapes? Well, they're supposed to add a head and a hat and a scarf and feet and hands. They were also told that they get to decorate the snowflake people with glitter. I could have been a grinch and said "No glitter!", but it is the week before Christmas.

Do you know what children do with glitter? For some reason, only about 10 percent (and believe me that's a high estimate) of the glitter pieces actually end up on the art project. Somehow glitter just ends up everywhere. In that school the art room is absolutely the farthest room from the main office. Less than halfway from the main office to the art room you can start seeing glitter on the floor. It's this sparkly trail that says "Art room... this way...." In addition, everyone who happens to walk in or near the room ends up sparkling as well. The children who are in my classes leave with glitter encrusted clothes and often enough glitter in their hair that it is stuck to their scalps. Except for the few children I caught having "glitter wars" - yes, they actually think it is fun to throw glitter at each other, often in each other's faces - I'm not sure how they end up with sooooooooo much glitter stuck to them. I think that when I turn my back they grab some glitter throw it in the air and skip through it as it drifts to the ground. This week has given me enough experience with glitter to last a lifetime. I don't think I will ask children to use glitter ever again.

Subbing again!

For the past two weeks I've been subbing again. With the exception of one day, I've been in high schools - ESL, Math, Reading, English, Family Dynamic, Technology Education (aka shop class... which I didn't know until I already accepted the day!) I also subbed one day of intermediate school art. So, what have I learned in these two weeks? Apparently Justin Timberlake is bringing sexy back. At least that's what the kids tell me!

The Sad Truth About Not Working for a Month

To some people, having a month off of work may seem like a great time. I'm going to tell you the sad reality of having a month off between jobs. After 3 weeks of not working, on most days I lack motivation but I've had a pretty productive day today. I was up and showered before eleven in the morning. Pretty good start right? I worked on a painting of my favorite cat for about an hour or so. For about another hour or so I hung out on mySpace. And, the most incredible achievement of my day so far... I sent prank phone calls or e-mails to several friends and relatives from the "Snakes on a Plane" website. (Go to www.snakesonaplane.com and you can send them too!) Good day so far, right?
If you consider some select days from the past week or so, I've gotten a lot done today.
About a week ago, I called my Aunt Rosie. She's a veteran school teacher and was able to empathize with my situation. I called her probably around noon. It was a day where I was probably up since 7am, but had not left the house much less showered. I was waiting to shower because I planned to walk the dog and you know how sweaty that can make a person! So, as I said I had been up since about 7 or so. That may have been the day that I learned all about bedbugs on the Today show. Scary stuff! After they scared you with the enlarged pictures of a disgusting bug that had just sucked the blood out of someone, they kindly demonstrated how to find them on a bed. Did you know that they're usually near the head of the bed because that's the warmest part? Now I bet your head is just itching! Well... back to my conversation with Aunt Rosie. I had big intentions on walking the dog, but I watched a little Today show and maybe some Martha. I definitely got lost online for a bit. When I walked downstairs with walking shoes in hand, I found that I had left the TV on and there was a really interesting infommercial on the channel I had been watching. The Time-Life Collection of the Superstars of Country CD collection with songs such as Coal Miner's Daughter and Elvira. With clips of the starts singing their well-known hits. And Kenny Rogers with a plastic surgery altered face that I kept looking out to figure out why he looks so freaky. Good stuff. When I realized I wasn't ready to leave the house, I figured I better skip ahead to what I was going to do when Maya and I returned from our walk - call Aunt Rosie. So, Aunt Rosie and I chatted about eBay, computers and teaching for a little while. Then I confessed about my indulgence with this particular infommercial. She admitted that she had also seen and enjoyed it as well. We both agreed that although they make it sound like such a good deal, "4 Easy Payments of $29.95 plus shipping and handling" was probably not a good deal. She continued to tell me about how fabulous some of those infommercials about vacuums that pick up pet hair seem. I have to agree, an infommercial about a vacuum that will effectively suck up all the pet hair in my house would interest me greatly. Unless you have several pets of your own, you just can't understand how frustrating inferior vacuums can be. Even the more expensive ones only last a year or two at our house. The motors just burn up in the face of all the pet hair that our dog and three cats can't seem to keep on their bodies. This would be why the last time I went vacuum shopping I stood in Target and then Home Depot staring at the Dyson Animal for at least 15 minutes at each store. I just can't bring myself to spend $500 on a vacuum that may or may not live up to its claim of incredible engineering. Well, I could go on endlessly about this, but do you really care? Fortunately, Aunt Rosie is a patient woman used to listening to stories from 1st grade children which usually cover several topics with no point to the whole story, but the kids think they're pretty informative and funny.
On to another lively day! On Friday two of our friends came over to pick me up to go swimming. Unfortunately for them I had drank two cups of coffee that morning. Two cups of coffee in a short amount of time gives me the superpower of being able to speak (about absolutely nothing) at a rate faster than Superman can fly. So, Cori and Jared got to hear about how my favorite part of the morning was that Martha said that she really liked the TV show "Pee-Wee's Playhouse" and that I definitely saw butt crack on the "Price Is Right" (I swear I did... this boy was flipping because he's a professional tumbler and he was really excited to win a prize and meet Bob Barker. He was one of those boys who believe the waist of your pants should hang several inches lower than your actual waist and as he was flipping through the air, I swear I saw spinning butt crack!). I'm not really sure what else we talked about, but they didn't get the opportunity to talk much.
So, I think it's time to go back to school. I've applied to sub at two schools so far. Hopefully it will get me out of the house and talking to other people enough that I don't drive crazy Dave or anyone else who I spend more than an hour with.

Summer job

For the month of July I taught art to children of migrant workers. It was an awesome experience! The students were children going into 1st grade through high school age. A lot of the kids speak Spanish, many speak both Spanish and English, and some only speak English. The kids who are going into 1st and 2nd grades were the most helpful in my attempts to learn Spanish. There was a little boy, Ivan, who decided he was finished with art for the day and had cleaned up enough and was ready to line up at the door. I was standing in front of him in the hallway watching for the girls who had gone to the lav (usually there is a student worker in the art room who escorts them because there are all sorts of odd people walking through the halls of the school in the summer, but she was called to help somewhere else so I needed to stand where I could see the kids in the classroom and the girls in the hallway). After a few minutes, several other kids had lined up behind Ivan. At this point Ivan decides it would be fun to make noises with his mouth - you know, the kind of noises that involve spraying the person in front of you with spit. Well, I happened to be the person being sprayed with spit. After saying "Stop!" several times with no response from Ivan, I asked some of the girls in line behind him how you would say "Stop" in Spanish. One of the girls told me the word is "para" except I heard "bala" and that is what I repeated. So she said, "No, para". I tried again with "bala". Being a good teacher at the age of 6 or 7, she exaggerated "para" as she said it again and pointed at her mouth so that I could maybe figure it out better. Sadly, I am slow and her efforts didn't help me to learn to say "para". As we gave up and Ivan was still spitting at me and I was still trying to watch for the girls coming back from the lav who forgot one of their friends there and had to be sent back to get her, my student worker came back and I immediately sent her to go supervise the girls who were now skipping up and down the hallway and singing. Earlier in the morning the photography class had stopped by our classroom and Frances, my student worker had put streaks of yellow paint on her face for a picture. When she stopped back at the classroom and I sent her on, she still had the paint on her face and the little girl who was trying to help me say "para" asked why Frances had paint on her face. I told the little girl, "Frances es la loca" (for those of you who don't speak Spanish - "Frances is crazy"). The little girl's response was "Very good!" which of course confused me and caused me to ask,"What?!". Her response to my befuddled question and look was, "You said that very well!". So, apparently I can speak a sentence in Spanish, but if I am being sprayed with spit, I can't stop that!

Subbing

I've finished student teaching and am subbing in middle school and elementary school classrooms. It's definitely interesting and the kids definitely take advantage of a sub! I have to say that today was my most disturbing day subbing so far.

Yesterday I was at the middle school and the art teacher found me because he had heard I would be subbing for him today. He specifically wanted to warn me about one of his 8th grade classes because there is a group of boys who are a little rowdy. Well, they were, but because I expected it, it was no big deal. He failed to warn me about his sixth grade class. They were such babies! They didn't know where anything was, they whined that they didn't know how to do things, and they left a huge mess of glitter and feathers even though I know I saw some of them cleaning up. Normal stuff, but that was not the creepy part... There are six tables. One table had about ten kids sitting around it (there was no seating chart, I think they get to just sit whereever), four of the tables had 3-5 kids at each, and then there was one table with just one kid. I thought it was odd, but was just like, whatever - there's often a loner. So, I was walking around checking out what the kids were working on. I stopped to talk to the loner - about his sculpture. While we were talking, he was scratching his legs and commented, "Bedbugs. We're going to get an exterminator. One time I had so many bites on my back that my mom said she had never seen anything like it." I stayed a good 6 feet or more away from this kid, but I'm still itching hours later!

Ceramics Project

The high school students in my general art classes were supposed to make three tea bowls (out of clay) that represent them. One girl was making a tea bowl in the shape of a TV. I asked her how it was going to be a representation of her. She told me that she was going to paint George Bush on the front and that it represents her because she has always wanted to drink from the mind of a great president.

I guess high school isn't as funny as elementary school

There don't seem to be as many funny stories about my high school experience as there were with my elementary experience. The kids that I'm working with are all good kids and my cooperating teacher is keeping me on track, so it's not that I'm having a bad experience - it's just not as funny!

This is so last summer, but a good one regardless

The following is a true event that happened to me last summer. Although some of you readers have heard it before, it's a good one to read when you need a good laugh. Enjoy!

So.... what do you do if you're a latchkey kid and you lose your key?

Maya (our 60lb yellow lab mix) and I walk every morning and Maya carries the house key. The key is on one of those bottle opener keychains and I attach it to the clip part of her leash where it attaches to her collar. Today we got to the front door after our half hour walk and Maya no longer had the key. Crap! I had my cell phone with me and called Dave and he wanted to come right home and let me in. While it was very nice of him to offer to leave work and rescue me, I just wanted advice on how to break into our house. As there were several windows open, he said to find a way to pop the screen up and climb through. Ok. No problem. I survey the scene. There is a window on the side of the house, but I can't get to it without a ladder. I look real quick for a ladder and don't see one. At this point Tony the kitten is looking at me through the screen saying, "hey! what are you doing out there?", and Maya is in her side yard and keeps running to the locked back door and then running back to me and barking. No pressure. There's a window at the back of the house, but again I need a ladder. Wait a minute... there are two Scouts parked in the driveway. I could just pull one up, stand on top and get in. Of course I would need the keys to start either of the Scouts, and those are inside where I can't get them! Lastly, there is a window on the front porch. It's the really big window with the heavy wooden frame that can't stay open by itself and is precariously propped open with a piece of wood. I'm not feeling really confident of my abilities to slide through the 12 inch high space without the window falling on me and chopping me in half like a guillotine. So, I decide to retrace some of my tracks. It's 8:00 am and already about 80 degrees and I just came back from a 30 minute walk. I leave the dog in her yard and walk back to the place where I think the key loss could have occurred.

We had a little poop problem in the park this morning. Maya pooped and then started running around like crazy staring at her ass the whole time. I try to see what the problem is and it looks like there's a bee buzzing around her ass. She just can't get away from it. She is on a six foot leash attached to me who is so befuddled by this that I'm just staring at her. What the hell is the bee doing? Why is it just flying around within six inches of her butt? She stops for a second and I realize it's not a bee... it's a dingleberry attached to her ass by a six inch long piece of hair. Sweet! Well, I had the poop bag in hand and had not picked up the pile of poop yet because I was so entranced by Maya's performance. I grab at the dingleberry with the poop bag as she's sitting down and successfully smear the dingle berry in the bag and on the path. Dingleberry is taken care of and now it's time to pick up the poop. I go to snatch the poop with the poop bag and didn't get it all. I go back in to grab the rest and I've smeared it a good six inches. I tie up the bag and start walking to the garbage can. I turn back to make sure Maya's following me and realize that a small piece of poop dropped and oh my! there's my sneakerprint in the poop. At this point I'm like, "it's just going to have to stay there! if i try again, i'm going to be wearing it!"

So, back to the missing key problem. I return to the site of the poop smear to look for the key. I mean if the key was going to fall off anywhere, I'm sure it happened during the dingleberry shenanigans. I look all around the smear and there's no key. I start walking away and a little kid on his scooter passes the smear and yells out, "EWWWWW!!!!" I just wanted to respond, "you're not kidding!", but I didn't. I keep walking ever on the patrol for Maya's lost key. By now, I'm hot and sweaty and just want to be in my house. I give up on my crusade and walk back home. I try to pop in the screen in the front window and can't do it. There's no way to do it with my bare hands without knocking in the piece of wood that's holding the window up. I finally realize that there must be one of the many knives that my dad has given Dave and I in one of the Scouts. If I can find a knife, I can cut the screen a little to get to the latch thing that's holding the screen in place. I look in the glove box of the red Scout. A broken pair of sunglasses, a flashlight, a screwdriver and a combo bottle opener/corkscrew. I don't think this is going to help me. There must be something in the tan Scout - Dave the Tool Man's Scout. I look in the windows and see that Dave has some sort of ex-military box that must have tools in it. Of course the doors are locked. I seemed to have forgotten that this past weekend Dave was very proud of himself that he fixed the locks in the Scouts and they now lock. The only reason that the red Scout was unlocked is that I've been driving it and seriously, what is somebody going to steal? my broken sunglasses? the 30 lb. bag of cat litter that I neglected to carry in earlier this week?

Now that I'm armed with a screwdriver and a bottle opener/corkscrew. I return to the front window to see how MacGyver I can be. Tony the kitten has come to watch me through the screen. So once the screen is open and I can get in the house, I'm probably going to have to chase him all over the yard to get him back in. That of course is if I'm not cut in half by the 2 ton window pane. I'm able to wedge the screwdriver into the edge of the screen and bend the screen frame so that this side slightly pops in. Not believing my luck, I pop in the other side and slide the screen up. With all this action, Tony has decided it would be best to run the other way. Maya, still in the side yard, is pissed that she's not in the house and is barking to let me know about her dissatisfaction. I reach in the window and push the rocking chair out of the way. I stop to take off my sneakers that probably still have dog crap in the treads. I stick one leg in and pull the rest of my body through! I'm in! I'm in! I do a little happy dance, close the screen and let the ever-barking, dingleberry wearing, key-losing Maya in. Who would have thought that I would be able to be so handy and amuse my neighbors (who I am sure were watching and saying, "what is that crazy neighbor girl doing?") at the same time?! I should probably learn a lesson from this and do like I read in a book recently - hide a key outside of the house in some fake dog poop!

Immature teachers

There is a supply closet between our classroom and the one next to us. The doors have windows so we can see through to the next class. My coop teacher and I were looking through to see what the other class was doing and we started busting out laughing. One of the art teachers who is always serious and often mean to students was posing for the kids to practice gesture drawing. He was on top of a table and had a pole that he was using as a guitar. He was really jamming out on it.

When the kids in our room saw us laughing so hard, of course they wanted to know what was going on. I tried to blow it off with, "Oh, we were just watching someone pose next door for gesture drawing". So a few of them went to see what we were laughing at. They saw the teacher next door and told us we were "immature" which of course made us laugh even harder!

Word of the Day

creeper (n.) creepy person, especially a man

ex: I didn't want to talk to that creeper in the computer lab.

A wise second grader

Second graders can be wild sometimes. You have plans to talk to them about art. Maybe a little something about Paul Klee and his paintings. Before you can even explain that you are going to read them a story about Paul Klee, there are about 10 hands up in the air. You know you didn't ask them a question, but decide to start calling on students anyway. There are several, "Can I go to the bathroom?" Throw in a few, "My arm hurts" and "He was mean to me" and you're about to lose your mind. The next sweet little second grade girl I call on says, "I think that everyone knows you're a student teacher and they want to see what they can get away with." Words of wisdom from a 7 year old.

Gross or funny?

One day I was teaching a second grade class that was working on a watercolor project. All of the students were very focused on what they were doing. I was walking around the room making sure all the students understood what they were supposed to do and helping those that needed help. A small, quiet boy raised his hand. I walked over to him, leaned down so that we were eye to eye and said, "Yes?" He said calmly, "A booger fell out of my nose and onto my painting". I looked at his painting and sure enough, there was a quarter-sized puddle of snot. I told him to wipe it up with a paper towel, and then I walked away quickly not sure if that was really disgusting or if it was the funniest thing I had seen all day!

Why am I writing this blog?

I decided to create a blog about my experiences teaching art. My first student teaching placement ended last week. For seven or so weeks I taught 1st through 5th graders in a school out in the country in Pennsylvania. My eyes were really opened as I do not have children and do not have a lot of experience working with this age group. It surprised me that I absolutely loved teaching in an elementary school, and my last day there it took all that I had to hold back the tears! It seems that all of the 'bad kids' got to know my name and were the ones to who it was especially hard to say goodbye.

I have several good stories about my elementary school placement, and next week I will start student teaching at an urban high school which I am sure will give me plenty of stories also!